COUSIN MELISSA

A few years ago, i went to a wedding of my cousin "Melissa" is what she called herself; we had a fall out.
When we were young, she is always a very competitive person, she is also a very "Image Driven" person. She is afraid of showing me around when i first moved to the US, afraid that her friends in high school would make fun of her. She also thinks religions are for people who are emotionally weak. She said religion  is an emotional crouch. She probably didn't know i took those things in heart.
At her wedding, I was feeling very emotionally unstable, after my father's passing, in between jobs, and just feeling very out of touch with the world. Something snapped when they asked my grandfather to make a speech, he looks uneasy and he declined to make a speech. Suddenly i got upset and decided to walk out during the wedding, so i got up and walked out, my mother and grandpa followed, we got in the car, Melissa's brother tried to convince me to go back, but i would not return to the banquet hall. I decided we are leaving. so we left.
After that, i heard that Melissa felt really humiliated, and would not speak to me. I tried to apologize, but i guess i really didn't feel like reconnecting with her again, i felt quite relieved that she is mad at me, i was tired of her fake smiles and the image driven personality.
We finally meet again at Grandpa's funeral, she acted like nothing happened, even said something like "Come visit us..blah blah blah..", i tried not to sit next to her during the dinner after memorial service, i sat next to my other cousin, so Melissa's husband asked me why wouldn't i sit next to her? I was thinking..."why should i sit next to her? So she can keep up a fake relationship with me"?
Anyway, i heard that she still have not forgiven me, but i am not surprised, she is an atheist, doesn't really understands the word of forgiveness. I don't like her but i don't hate her, plus all the other put downs she bestowed on me. I wish she can look at herself and know how prideful she is. As for me, i am relieved at this point i don't have to see her on any major holidays.

The election in 2016

The presidential election in USA 2016 was a disaster - No, i am not trashing any candidate or president in this article. Its been on my mind for a while.
Because of this election, i see Christian divided...i see my sister/brother in Christ call other believers "fake" and "Racists" just because they admitted that they voted for the candidate some do not agree with.
Why so much hate and disagreement. I hear both sides and know there are legit reasons to agree  and disagree... with the political agenda of both candidate. At this point we are choosing the lesser evil. We are all in the same boat!! Pls do not forget we live in a secular end time era. If you fall into the trap of slandering your family of Christ just because of a 4 year presidency, you have a serious character flaws then. Its beyond just the disagreement of different political point of view. You are using your political point view to lash out all your discontent, ok, i get it,  this is a rather "safe" way to unload your frustration about your life,  Please, go see a therapist or read emotionally healthy spirituality before you put any comments on facebook.
I have lost a few friends who lashed out on me, and i distance  myself from people who are super vocal abt their political point of view (They like to argue, posting fake news, putting other down on social media..etc)Those are NOT loving action a believer do to your fellow brothers and sisters.

Some thoughts on being a Church attending Christian:


1.I am not sure why certain people prefers to call themselves "Pastor" or "Reverend", or even "Rabbi" So and so..etc.  These people did not pastor a church nor has a solid ministry in hand, they didn't even go to a formal seminary. They got ordained by another pastor who doesn't really have a solid ministry as well. Is the title that important that they really want to be called Pastor  rather than a "brother"??  Very puzzling.

2.So here in the church i am attending, they love to give credential of the speaker. Like one of them graduated from "Yale divinity" school....i don't really know why that is important. Yale is so liberal, their seminary is not a place where i would think one can get proper training. And honestly i don't care....

3.A church leader saying he is getting his Phd. I am not sure why he needs this degree, so i asked him why does he need this degree, and he seems surprised that i asked.

4. When i asked about communion abt the church i am currently attending, the wife of the pastor insisted that the mother church does not do communion on a monthly basis (Even though i said " i think they do once a month"? She said" Impossible, i went there and they definitely do not do it every month" However, i called the mother church and found out it does have a monthly communion.

Conclusion for attending church:
There are not enough humility? i don't know what is the problem. Sometimes feels really uncomfortable listening to these preachers. I gave them so much time listening and sometimes (maybe also i am not being obedient) that i find them quite arrogant? or is it me who is being arrogant?